parenting

Part two: Learning to relate to my increasingly independent child

Last week I introduced this series by sharing how I realized my son and I were not spending much time together as he grew more and more independent. Today I’m sharing two ways I have found that have helped us grow closer again.

Look for more opportunities to say ‘yes’.

An article in this Friday Finds really sparked this idea. In general I started to examine if my “no”s really could be “yes”s, and honestly most of them could be. But one major thing I started asking myself is: can a no become a modified yes? For example AJ always asks to play on my phone in the car. Instead of saying “no – let’s talk” or “sure” and turning on the radio I suggested he be a DJ and play us some music.

This approach lead to non-stop conversation about what songs we like, why we like them, how it’s nice to play some of my favorites in between his favorites. Car rides have quickly become a favorite past-time! I do however get unlimited veto power on songs–because a girl can only listen to so much Whip and Nae Nae.

Do you already have certain times that you and your kid spend together by default? Can you find a way to turn that time into a favorite for you and your child?

Make spending time with mom (or dad) a “special” event.

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It is impossible to talk about how we spend our time without discussing the use of technology. Listen, this blog is a no judgement zone and technology is an important but touchy subject in parenting these days.

I’ll just put a disclaimer in here that we do NOT have it figured out and provided my kid is healthy and happy I don’t put too many limits on electronics. That said – we do have one major tech rule in this house: one electronic at a time. Basically this means that, no, you may not have a show playing, youtube going on a computer, and be playing on your iPad at the same time.

Almost every rule I have for my kid, I try and apply to myself. Which is why we have one big exception to this rule, sports. If you are watching sports on the TV, you may also have one other electronic. Because of this rule (and the exception to it instead of AJ being downstairs watching something while I’m in my room watching something else, he will often end up sitting next to me while I’m watching sports. He probably knows more about women’s professional soccer than any other boy his age – but honestly it’s so cool. He has favorite players and he asks me about them all the time and makes sure not to miss any of their games.

AJ will often get to stay up a little past his bedtime if he’s watching sports with me. I cannot stress it enough, make doing something you love doing (watching cooking shows if you’re not into sports, staying up to play your favorite games, etc) feel like a special treat for your kiddo!

Keeping an eye out for opportunities to turn a ‘yes’ into a fun shared moment and making time spent together extra special have helped AJ and I find new ways we enjoy spending time together.

Next week I’ll share the most surprising activity that has brought AJ and I even closer together recently.

Read part 1 here!

Read part 3 here!

2 thoughts on “Part two: Learning to relate to my increasingly independent child”

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